Anticipation is Always Worse than Reality

Shortly after I wrote my first post, my husband came home with his orders. Let me tell you, I was right when I said I did not want to stress for months about the day he would leave. The week or so that I had was hard enough. I about cried every night until he left. I would be fine through out the day but the moment we would get into bed and I would lay my head on his chest I would loose it. It was that moment of realization, soon this won’t be my husband, it will just be a pillow. I would try and put myself together quickly because I know I needed to be strong for him, this wasnt what he needed.

We did get some time together before he left, my job was gracious enough to give me some time off. It brought me back to when I would visit him on weekends when we were apart. All of the counting down the hours – not only that but deciding how to spend our time. Of course we had to make plans with all our friends and family so they could say their goodbyes, but we had a few days that we got to spend just us. Now for me, I am an extrovert – I love going out! As much as I wanted to spend my last days with him going on adventures, I knew what I would miss most was relaxing with my husband at home and I was right. We spent about three days never really leaving our home. We did however go to the dog beach one day, I wanted our dog to have one last day of fun with Dad too. It was an extraordinary day of fun, seeing how happy they both were made my day. With all the running, playing, swimming and of course napping,I knew it was a day for the books. All I wanted to do was stay in that day, so I took a million pictures to help with that. With how spectacular the day was it made it that much more heartbreaking to know we wouldn’t have a day like this again for a while.  Its crazy how quickly that week went by, and how slowly this first week without him has gone. 
The morning of him leaving was very interesting. I was filled with emotions, saddened by him leaving but also frantically trying to make sure we had everything! And lets not forget tired! Its the military so of course everything as to be done at the butt crack of dawn it feels like. When we arrived I was overwhelmed by the sea of camis, it was such a surreal moment I can not put it to words. I was able to spend some time with him but eventually we had to say our goodbyes and I drove off.

Now I expected I would be bawling on the car ride home, It has been close to a week and I have not shed a single tear. I surprised even myself, I mean I cry over everything! But I realized that my whole time as a Marine Wife has lead up to this moment. We have gone though separation before, we spent the first two months of our marriage separated for crying out loud! Not only that but we were separated for about a year and a half because of his schooling. We would get to see each other for about two days to a week at a time every 6 months. I know it’s a deployment but I do feel like I have gone through this before.

Our men get their training. They get the months of bootcamp, which is filled with mental and physical endurance. They also have no communication with family, which can prepare us for when they eventuality get deployed. Then they get their schooling -which is usually in a different state- that again is months at a time and teaches them how to do their job. Again, it prepares us for seperation, but with them sometimes being in a different state it can prepare you for that pesky time change. Once they get home we all are still getting training. The military always changes things! You learn very quickly to be adaptive to anything and that plans can and will change. You learn that a holiday is not special because of the day but because of the time you share. There were numerous times I would get frustrated with his hours. He is either getting up at 4:30 A.M.  and home in time for dinner -sometimes- or I get to spend the morning with him but won’t  get home untill 2 A.M. . Needless to say I got use to waking up and spending the day alone as well as eating dinner alone while sleeping alone too. Looking back ,as hard as it was, I am thankful for the “training” I was given. For now I can go through this deployment with grace and ease. It has only been about a week though, so check back in a few months and see how my emotions are doing. 

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